RELUCTANT PRESS

ing on the last few months. But, at the same time, how could I tell my mother about something that I did not understand myself. I hesitated briefly after my mother stopped talking and debated with myself whether to tell her everything or

not.

The opportunity was here so I decided to tell her. Well, almost everything. There were some details that were too humiliating to mention. And, of course, the existence of the sorority was top secret so I did not mention that, even though I felt so proud that I had been accepted into this elite group.

"And how do you feel about all this, Danny? Is it something you want to continue, or was it just some passing fancy?"

"Well, I...ah...sort of, ah...like it but...ah...I wonder if it means I'm... ah...queer," I replied, the last word almost inaudible.

"Oh Danny, Danny, of course not," Mom protested as she hugged me tightly. "There are a lot of men who wear women's clothes, some all the time and others just on occasion. It's really too bad that society does not accept our differences better. You need to do what feels good to you. If you are more comfortable doing this privately fine! If it's something that you want to do all the time and in public fine too! But never feel that you are 'queer'.

"And if you are using that term to describe being homosexual, I can assure you that wanting to dress as a woman does not mean that you are and even if it turns out that you are gay, then accept that too and never feel ashamed. No matter what, I will always love you."

As a child I had always thought my mother was so smart, but recently I had begun to think that she probably was not, working just as a hairdresser and all. Now I realized that she was probably one of the smartest women alive, and I loved her too.

We hugged for a long time, each of us with tears rolling down our cheeks. It was like a huge rock had been lifted from my chest. If my own mother did not see anything wrong with me dressing like a girl then it must be all right.

"Now, one other thing, Danny. Have you thought about what you are going to do after graduation? It's not very far away."

RUFFLES & CURLES

By Kammi Morton

To be honest, I had put off thinking about this painful topic, especially with my new life with Susie and the girls. Yet I knew that this could not go on forever, especially since they would all probably be going away to college in the Fall. While my grades had gone up under Susie's tutoring, overall my scholastic record was poor and I had not even taken the college boards.

"Well, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just keep working in the shop with you," I answered, choosing the easy route by default.

"That's fine with me, Danny, but first you'll have to go to beauty school and get your license. Do you want to go to the same school that I went to?"

Going to hairdressing school meant a commitment and I was still not sure that this was what I wanted to do all my life. On the other hand, I did not have many options.

"Can't I just keep going like we have been and wait and

see?"

"You could, but I don't think that's the best solution. At some point you will have to make a decision. Besides, there is not enough work to keep you full time as a shampoo boy so what would you do all the rest of the time? If you went to school, you could join me when you graduated as a full time beautician. You don't have to give me an answer now, but you do need to think about it and make a decision soon. If not hairdressing, then something else."

Whenever there was a chance to postpone a decision, I took it. I continued to sit with my mother on the couch while we read the paper. And now that the air was cleared, I could enjoy the comfortable feel of the soft clothing I was wearing. This was the way to relax!

We sent out for pizza for lunch and I almost went to the door in my robe before I caught myself and yelled for Mom to answer the delivery boy.

Wow! That had been close! Funny, only a short time ago I was constantly aware when the only thing feminine I was wearing was panties under my "normal" clothes and now I had been so at ease wearing a pink satin robe and with a matching ribbon in my hair that I had almost opened the door to a stranger.

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